I have been having a lot of very vivid dreams recently but the one last night has really stood out to me. And it has made me think again about our accumulation of ‘stuff’ so, I wanted to share my thoughts with you.
This blog is also in honour of my father-in-law whose funeral it is on the day this is published. Edwin, you were certainly a character and you will be missed by many I am sure. God speed on your final journey.
In my dream I was on an airplane that was about to crash. My husband and son had safely exited the plane and were shouting at me to get off also. But I was concerned that I took all the belongings we had on there with me. For some reason, we had a lot of our clothes and my jewellery on the airplane and I was scrabbling around to make sure I took it all as the airplane plunged towards the ground. The screams of my family to get off were getting louder and louder and I was asking someone (I don’t know who) how much time I had left to collect all these things. I jumped off just in time, taking as much with me as I could but feeling upset about the things I had left behind. I landed safely and softly and was reunited with my relieved family. The dream went on beyond that (I don’t remember the details of that part now), but I kept hearing over and over ‘you were prepared to sacrifice love for stuff’. And that has stuck with me all day.
We don’t have a lot of ‘stuff’ around us that’s ours at the moment. Most of what is ours still is in a storage unit in the warehouse of my husband’s business. We have some things around us where we are but it’s the necessities, really. And I’m not sure that isn’t enough, really. As I was with a friend the other day, I was noticing her lovely car. Her lovely jewellery. Her plentiful clothes. And I thought of her lovely house, complete with lots of furniture and accessories. It also made me think of my mother and her lovely, and plentiful, jewellery and clothes, her beautiful home and her immaculate and almost new car. Both of these women, and others I know, have a lot of ‘stuff’. My dream made me think about this even more today. Because when I had all that ‘stuff’ all around me all the time, I felt trapped by it. I had all the furniture and accessories, the plentiful clothes and handbags and shoes. Every cupboard and every drawer was full of ‘stuff’. Every room heaving with it. And I didn’t even notice probably 50% of it as a minimum. The gadgets that had been bought and hardly used like the panini press, the bread maker, the deep fat fryer, the list goes on. And that was just the kitchen.
For me, it was about keeping up with the Jones’s. Having all the expected ‘stuff’ in my house. I don’t know what it is for others. For some it might be a way of distracting themselves from the fact that they aren’t living the life they want to live. For others, it could be that they too are keeping up with the Jones’s. For yet others it could be a means of reassuring themselves that they are successful. I’m not judging any of them, I am just guessing at their motives. I understand it. I love beautiful things. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with enjoying aesthetics until they become a noose around your neck because everything in your life is geared towards paying for it, maintaining it and redoing it. Then, it becomes a burden. And it does make me wonder – do we do it because it’s what society expects of us or because we really want to? In the pursuit of ‘stuff’ are we truly living the life we want to live?
I compared it to my father-in-law’s life. He didn’t leave a lot of ‘stuff’ behind. That’s not saying he had nothing, far from it, but he didn’t have a lot of ‘stuff’. He travelled light in life but he had a good time doing it. He was supremely self-absorbed and it is true that other people unwittingly enabled his life of pleasure. He travelled, a lot, and he travelled in style always. He ate in the some of the best restaurants in the world and regularly dined out the rest of the time. He gambled large sums on the horses with his happy place (other than a ski slope or the South of France) being Cheltenham race course. Or Goodwood. And I would say he was happy with the life he had, he certainly wanted for nothing and he had financial security.
He used to have the big house and all the trappings but his last divorce sorted that out and he wasn’t bothered about the fact he lived in a much smaller place with a lot less things. He wasn’t there often enough to care, really. It was warm, it was comfortable and that was all he wanted. He was a terrible cook so no one was particularly concerned he didn’t have a large enough garden to host BBQ parties anymore! I would say he no longer worked to service his big house but that house never held him back, even then he still travelled, gambled and enjoyed fine dining etc. though he didn’t have the 5 star month-long holidays to India or Australia or Florida he had after his divorce. He just always lived his life on his terms and, really, to hell with the consequences. It’s the latter part of that statement I can’t get behind because I saw the impact of that first-hand.
As I write, I wonder if there isn’t a happy medium here for me. I like beautiful things around me, I do like my own space and to have exactly that – space. Equally, I don’t want to be so burdened by ‘stuff’ that I don’t get to live my life as I would like to live it. A life where I can travel and explore my interests sometimes alone, sometimes with my family. I don’t want to feel trapped again by all the things I have accumulated over the years to the point where I feel suffocated, a slave to maintaining it. And as though I am living according to the expectations of others and not the principles and values that I hold dear. I do want to live my life on my terms but in recognition that I have people I love and who love me around who I want to consider as part of that also.
So, I think I will take heed of the message in my dream. I am not going to sacrifice the things I love for the sake of ‘stuff’. I am just going to be mindful of all the things I love and pursue living my life on those terms.
Louisa Simpson 