I am writing about my current homeless situation in order to process my emotions about this problem as well as to take the lessons from it. And if it helps someone along the way, that would make me very happy.
I wrote yesterday about the goals I wanted to set myself. About defining what it is I actually want achieve in my life. And I realised it was about focusing on my writing and selling my books. Making a success of my dream in part as a form of revenge on those who have doubted me, akin to Cersei Lannister in Game of Thrones after her walk of shame. Except no one will literally be blown up in my life! And I woke up this morning feeling incredibly energised.
Today has been the 999 portal, and I have felt the energy of it very strongly. I could have felt very sorry for myself today because things are still tough, I was confronted with my father-in-law’s judgement of me, and money is ridiculously tight. But the day was the opposite of negative.
After my heart attack, I have to take tablets in the morning – one before I eat, and one immediately after I eat along with a plethora of others. The day before had been a tablet disaster because I’d forgotten them and then ended up not eating until it was too late to take them. Which is not good, obviously. Currently, breakfast is something consumed on the hop, usually bought first thing in the morning and today, I could have become consumed with worry about where the money would come from to buy it.
Instead, I reminded myself…the universe always provides. My mindset was one of a focus on achieving my goals, no longer what I feared. I remembered while getting ready this morning that I have a box of porridge sachets in the boot of my car (my things are currently scattered in all sorts of weird and wonderful places right now) and there was milk at my husband’s office as well as a microwave, so…breakfast was sorted at no additional expense. Then, I got the text notification of my bank balance, and as I have sold more books than I thought, I have more money than I thought I had. Which means lunch was affordable. And I already knew that dinner was sorted. Suddenly, the things I could have worried about were solved. The universe does always provide because it helps you to process the data we receive every day in a different way, a way that is definitely positive if you have the right mindset.
In fact, the universe provided even more for me. As is the way with my Mum when she knows she has pushed me too far, she is incredibly nice to me. I have to see her at the moment because my son is staying with her and I know he is safe there. So, I went to her house this morning to collect my son and I stayed a bit longer for a coffee. We got talking and ended up having a conversation where I pointed out to her – gently, with no arguing – that we are very different people and that that is okay. We have different paths, different purposes or destinies, and that’s good. It doesn’t mean we can’t get on, just that we are different. I am not nor will I ever be a carbon copy of her. Yes, there is nature and nurture where she is concerned with me, but I am also an individual who has her own opinions, views, and focus in life. And because of that, I see life through a different lens to her, something that doesn’t make either of us wrong. She seemed to end up accepting and understanding that to the point where we agreed to go out together for the afternoon. And she bought us lunch, meaning the money in my account will carry over for lunch tomorrow and the next day. The universe always provides.
We did have some very sad news today about someone my husband and father-in-law have known for over 25 years with another friend of ours telling us of a freak accident one of his close relatives has had which will likely leave them a paraplegic. When you measure what we are experiencing against those two things, being homeless doesn’t seem so bad. It’s not great, but we are alive and we are whole and healthy.
I know our current living situation is far from ideal and it is certainly temporary. But I equally know that we will sort something out very soon. It will be a stepping stone on our journey, but it will be safe and secure.
And I know that I will soar.
Louisa Simpson 