I have found myself ruminating on addictions today. Probably because I am surrounded by people who are addicted to alcohol whether as just-about-functioning alcoholics or functioning alcoholics.
I used to think there was such a thing as an addictive personality. That that was a real phenomenon discovered by psychiatrists when treating people with addictions. That they had found some commonality amongst them all which described why some people are more prone to addictions than others. But, in my research, I have found that not to be true at all. That, in fact, the term itself is a dangerous one because it leads to a sense of fatalism, a sense that there is nothing one can do because of having an addictive personality. Which has no basis in science whatsoever.
The term ‘addictive personality’ was coined, unsurprisingly, by the pharmaceutical industry to mask the fact that their drugs were highly addictive and damaging. Drugs sales reps would apparently tell clinics that the drugs were safe (whilst the manufacturers knew they weren’t) and that “only those with an addictive personality will be affected”. This phrase became quickly adopted and was probably used as the get-out clause when people became addicted to opioid prescription drugs at frightening rates.
That said, there are some personality traits which mean some people can use a route to addiction to cope with things for example, ‘neuroticism’ – highly neurotic people are anxious and prone to negative thoughts. People tend to use addictive substances or behaviours to manage their neurotic traits. “Most addictions are about coping and are symptomatic of other underlying problems, such as depression or neuroticism.” says Mark Griffiths, distinguished professor of behavioural addiction. However, Griffiths also says that neuroticism is not a pre-disposition for addiction. There are many people who have the personality trait who are not addicts.
Environmental factors are also key in addiction. People who experienced significant adverse childhoods such as loss of a parent, sexual abuse, physical abuse or emotional abuse are three times more likely to report having alcohol problems in adulthood. When parental alcohol or drug abuses are introduced into that mix, I would imagine the likelihood increases exponentially because people follow ‘norms’ established in early childhood. Remember, most children don’t know that being abused by a parent is wrong until they are confronted with the ‘real’ world which doesn’t start until the age of 7 with any real impact of that not felt until later in life, beginning at around age 14. I have suffered from some of those adverse childhood factors, though, and I am not addicted to alcohol. I do, however, have an unhealthy relationship with food which was part of my environmental mix.
That said, my friend has siblings who obviously had exactly the same upbringing and are not alcoholics. Is there a measure of neuroticism in my friend? Absolutely there is. Also, he does see the world through a negative prism and can lean towards the victim mentality but, more than that, he refuses to take personal responsibility for the impact of his own actions. Alcohol is a means of hiding away from the fact that he didn’t act as the saintly son he tries to present himself as being when his mother was dying. It’s a means of hiding away from the fact that he had an almighty row with his father because of his own intransigence which he hadn’t resolved when his father died, and that he was cut out of his father’s will. It is a means of hiding from the fact that he chose to leave his young children for another woman and consequently has no significant relationship with them. For all of those things, he harbours a guilt he will never speak of because none of it was his fault in his eyes. He doesn’t admit his behaviour with his mother, the breakdown of his relationship with his father was apparently not his fault at all, and he had to leave his children because he was made to feel second place to them by his wife. He is, frankly, singly incapable of sorting himself out despite all his protestations of being a strong man, a man who is worldly-wise, and a man who is completely independent. I’m not sure who he is trying to persuade with all that, but none of it is true. Believe it or not, I do love this friend but the sober version of him.
I wonder, then, if the refusal to take personal responsibility for one’s actions and their consequences is the route to addiction also. Having a negative outlook doesn’t help, being raised by people who use (or used) alcohol and/or drugs as a crutch also doesn’t help. Or who rigorously controlled food consumption as in my own experience. But when the majority of the people in the household are not similarly affected, it does beg the question does an inability to face up to life and its problems bring about addiction? Because we never truly escape the consequences of our actions. And it also led me to ask – is there a definition for being selfish after all? And is that definition one of repeatedly doing what you want to do regardless of, and in the full knowledge of, that your actions cause and are causing ongoing distress or hardship to others?
When someone is selfish it is when they know that their actions (or lack of) will result in someone else having to step in or will result in someone else being greatly hurt and upset. Heartbroken even. Such as when someone has an affair with another person. Or when someone does not carry out their end of an agreement which leads to huge inconvenience and distress to another. And when the person doing either – or both – of these actions with the resulting consequences, can they (if their environment as a child is conducive) lead them to be addicted to something to bury their guilt and pain? So, if there was a lot of alcohol in their childhood, that is their crutch of choice.
I’m not saying these circumstances are the same for everyone. Like all psychological factors the root causes of addiction are extremely complex. But I wonder if, for some, this is one of those root causes. That there is an element of self-disgust that cannot be examined for fear of the tsunami of emotions it would engender which have no way of being addressed or put right. So, addiction is the route to cancelling them out.
I know my father-in-law was a functioning alcoholic and there were many factors from his childhood that could be construed as abusive. And he carried out actions that I am sure at some level he regretted, though he was in all honesty a spectacularly selfish man (using my definition above) who lived his life according to his wishes and to hell with anyone else. Functioning alcoholics do prioritise their addiction above all else, just more subtly. But they tell themselves – because they are functioning – that they aren’t alcoholics. But they absolutely are even if they don’t drink spirits (someone once said to me they couldn’t be an alcoholic because they don’t drink spirits or open a can of beer as soon as they wake up!) or start drinking the moment they wake up. But the end result is the same, there is an eventual loss of money, relationships, health and dignity.
I’m pretty sure that’s what is going to happen to my friend sooner rather than later if his latest behaviour and health issues are anything to go by. It has also killed my father-in-law. You cannot abuse your body in that way for as long as some of the people I know have (60 years in the case of my father-in-law) and not expect it to catch up with you at some point. There are no addictions that don’t, even an addiction to exercise causes problems.
I guess the point of this is to say that we should examine our actions and behaviour and come to terms with the things we have said and done. That we should see life through the prism of it being something we have created rather than drowning in victim mentality. Because it is only through that prism that we can get onto a more positive footing. That, yes, we have done things we aren’t proud of but life is about learning lessons and not repeating the poor decisions we have taken. It is about forgiving ourselves, recognising the part of us that leads us to take self-driven decisions and seeking to change that part of us. It’s about recognising that answers don’t exist in addictions. And that if the pursuit of something, whether that is drugs, food, alcohol, exercise or sex, is more important to us than anything else then we need to examine whether we are in a full-blown addiction or not. And correct it. Because addictions are not an excuse, we are not pre-disposed towards them according to science. Which means we can do something to stop them.
We owe it to ourselves and those who love us to try.
Louisa Simpson 