I had an interesting dream last night. I can’t remember the exact details of it other than the central message of it which was about ending patriarchy. I remember waking up and thinking…what does that mean? And how does one end the patriarchy?
What is the patriarchy anyway? The definition is ‘a system or government in which the father or the eldest male is head of the family and descent is reckoned through the male line’ or ‘a system of society or government in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it’. I think the latter is more fitting for society at large, to be honest. Because, let’s face it, we still live in a system of society or government in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it. Even if people don’t like it, namely men, when that is called out mostly by women.
Is it surprising that the USA has never had a female president? That both times a woman has stood for election to the White House, Americans would rather put their vote to Donald Trump than they would a woman? That in the UK, the only mainstream political party to have a woman leader is, surprisingly, the Conservative Party (and three female Prime Ministers albeit one was excruciatingly brief). That the Catholic Church still does not allow women to be anything other than nuns – still not female priests. Every other religion (with the possible exceptions of Islam and Buddhism) welcomes women as part of their religious practices/leadership now. Still less than 50% of women occupy positions on the Boards of FTSE 100 Companies, with less than 10% as Chief Executives. I could go on, but you get the point. Half the population makes up less than half the most senior positions in politics, religion and commerce. Yet more women than men are in receipt of welfare, more women than men will be misdiagnosed with a heart attack, most drugs are tested on men, and more money is spent on male medical conditions than female. 90% of single parent households are headed up by women. And the longevity benefits of marriage are more pronounced in men than they are in women probably because, in Europe for example, 91% of women with children spend at least an hour a day on housework compared with 30% of men with children.
No wonder I am dreaming of an end to patriarchy. I am one of the 91% of women who spend at least an hour a day on housework, with a husband who spends 0%, something which has not drastically decreased over the years to get to 0%. I am a woman who has woken up to the fact that, had I been born male, my life would have been rather different. I probably would have achieved promotions much faster and would have earned around 20% more when I was in full-time employment (in the UK, the average is 12.9% wage gap now but was 20-25% when I started work). My health would have been better because I wouldn’t have had a problem with the lack of research funding put into female conditions such as Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I would, in short, likely be further on in my life because of the patriarchal system I was born under. I also would not have been subject to sexual harassment, casual sexual assault in places such as the London Underground nor been subjected to blatant misogyny in pubs, bars, clubs and the workplace. I wouldn’t have had to re-think my journey home, kept a close eye on my drink at all times, notified a friend where I was meeting a man on a first date, thought long and hard about running routes I went on and what time of day I went on them, worried about walking home alone, thought twice before any sexual encounter in case I got a ‘name’ for myself, took responsibility for birth control, be called all manner of names because I wasn’t submissive enough, and generally second-guessed a whole host of things in everyday life in case I was labelled all manner of things. Thinking about what clothes to wear in case I gave the ‘wrong impression’, being asked questions about my looks, clothes, age, weight, behaviour that no man would think of asking another man. In short, things no man ever considers.
I don’t hate men. I am the daughter, sister, niece, cousin, wife, mother, aunt and friend of men. I don’t hate them. I hate the system that pretends they are better than women. The system that pays lip-service to equality. Because when female victims of male crimes (think of Epstein) are not believed until the evidence is so overwhelming you can’t not believe it, this is a system that does not really see equality. When a man can not be jailed for raping a woman because it would ‘ruin his future’ with no thought to hers, there is no equality. In a system where, in Australia a woman is killed by a man every four days, in the UK every three days (a rate that hasn’t meaningfully changed since it started to be recorded only in 2009), and in the US almost three women are killed by an intimate partner every day, there is no equality because the statistics don’t change in any meaningful sense.
So, no, I don’t hate men but I do hate the system that allows them to think they are in some way superior. A system that enables the likes of Andrew Tate and allows a man convicted of sexual assault to become President of the United States. A system that allows and covers up the behaviour of people like Jeffrey Epstein and all those he aided and abetted in their behaviour – I’ve said it before and I will keep on saying it, anyone who thinks Epstein hasn’t been replaced and what went on isn’t still happening is hopelessly naive at best.
I am not saying for a moment here that men don’t hate the patriarchy too. That men cannot fight against it as well. I would welcome men joining this fight in large numbers as well. But I am saying that whilst they can hate it and fight against it, they will never truly understand what it is to live under it. But I welcome their empathy for those who do.
Do I want an end to the patriarchy? Yes, I do. I don’t know what that looks like yet, I have no idea how I and others with the same opinion go about making that happen – I just know that we have to. And we will do.
Louisa Simpson 