Empedocles, a Greek philosopher, is said to have said “When everything falls apart, it’s not always the end, sometimes it’s rearrangement”. And given my life fell apart so spectacularly over the last 2.5 years, I thought I would pull on this thread a little and see if it isn’t rearrangement for me too!
In June 2024, I was made redundant from my job as CEO of an economic agency. At the same time as lots of other people in similar jobs were also made redundant. I was 50+ and whilst I applied for a raft of other jobs, often coming in second, I had to accept a few truths. One, getting a job in the public sector when you’re 50+ and your pension strain is going to kick in soon, is tough. Second, there weren’t many jobs available in my field because it was non-statutory and the public sector is still shrinking because of financial cuts. And also because I had reached a very senior position which meant that, by definition, there were fewer jobs around. Thirdly, and probably more importantly, I was reluctant to remain in my field because, frankly, I had long become bored of dealing with politicians. On the whole they tend to be well-meaning at a local level but many of them are, frankly, not particularly bright and are burdened with over-inflated egos. A lethal combination. Some of them were also out-and-out bullies, many were very performative with their niceness, and on the whole I had just decided I didn’t like them very much. And it didn’t matter which political party they hailed from. So, the prospect of dealing with them day in/day out again did not appeal. Which likely came through in my interviews even if only at a sub-conscious level.
I had also started to write my first book by the time I was made redundant and I was loving the process, often irritated by anything that distracted me from it. I wanted to continue to write, full-time, but lacked the resources to do so. And there was problem number one – my mindset. I was focused on the fact I didn’t have the resources, where were they going to come from, how was it going to work and a myriad other thoughts and not on how I was just going to focus on writing being my full-time employment. Every time I applied for a job and told myself how I would squeeze writing in too, I was tacitly saying to the universe “I don’t believe that resources can be provided in any other way, but equally I do not want this job”. So, the resources were not provided in any other way and I did not get the job. It became a vicious circle that I didn’t have my head around. It also became rearrangement.
In March 2023, the planets rearranged and Saturn moved into Pisces. It was around this time that the fact the economic agency was to be wound up stopped being conjecture and became a reality. It was also around this time that I started to write my book. Why is this important? Well, Pisces is a water energy and it is rather wishy-washy. It plunges you into the depths of vagueness and uncertainty, into a lack of direction and motivation. But it also encourages you to examine the depths of your spirituality given it is a very spiritual sign. It is also the end of the astrological calendar so, in effect, the end of a cycle. And with Saturn being a slow moving planet, that cycle has taken around 30 years. I can honestly say that Saturn entering Pisces when it did has had a profound impact on me. I have closed out many a cycle.
One of the first cycles I closed out was, obviously, my old career. It no longer had any appeal for me as I have said. But, equally, I didn’t have a plan for what next outside of a vague notion of writing. I didn’t know how I was going to make money or anything and, frankly, I didn’t make a plan either. I allowed life to happen to me. I did make efforts – I tried getting some consultancy work off the ground with a friend but she shafted me, basically, so that didn’t happen. Actually, I got shafted a few times with regard to work in 2024. For the first time in my life, I lacked direction. I lacked motivation. I didn’t know where I was going. I had no plan other than to write. It was similar to the time Saturn was last in Pisces (1994-1996) when all I had in mind was going to university. I had no idea what I was going to do after, not a plan in my head at all, just that this was something I had to do. I was shafted for work in early 1994 as well now I come to think about it and there was a lot of redundancy issues as well. But in that period of the 1990s, as in the period in the 2020s, I learned a massive amount about myself. About my resilience, my strength and this strange sense of being guided towards something I just didn’t know what it was. This sense of just going with the flow and at some level, loving the journey.
Then Saturn went into Aries in 1996 and suddenly I’m doing a Masters degree then I’m focused on teaching (though I was guided into heritage and culture in the end), but I had a plan. I had a focus. And my life kicked back into gear. I got out of the dreamy, watery energy and back into the focused I know where I want to go. I feel similarly now that Saturn is entering Aries as of today. My motivation has returned, my focus and my clarity about the direction I am moving in. I am ridiculously busy but I am making To Do lists for the first time in a long time, I am getting up earlier to give myself more hours in the day to get everything done, and I am starting to achieve something. There is a lot of ground to make up but my life has certainly been rearranged.
I have been rearranged to a life where I am finally doing the things I love so I actually do know now what it means when they say ‘do what you love and you won’t work a day in your life’ because what I am doing doesn’t feel like work though I am actually doing a lot of it! I have been rearranged to finding my tribe which I have been looking for for the past couple of years with a lot of dead ends along the way. But I’m building my own tribe which is just amazing. I have learned not only about myself and who I am but also a new skillset that I am loving too. And I have learned to get out of my own way and be more visible, something I have resisted in the past 2.5 years. In some way feeling as though I should hide, as though I had done something wrong. I mean, don’t get me wrong I have done a lot wrong in the last 2.5 years but not so I should feel ashamed of myself. I was simply trying to survive and find my way forward.
I’m not keeping myself small anymore. Perhaps that what the whole rearrangement has been about. Being who I authentically am, unashamedly. I’m not the completed article, of course not. I still have a long way to go. But I’m on the right path and the planets are finally aligned to help me with this.
There’s no stopping me now in my rearrangement, and I hope there isn’t for you either.
Louisa Simpson 