I haven’t written for over a week on here (other than a blog yesterday) for no other reason than I haven’t really been inspired to. My inspiration has been consumed by the edits I am making to my trilogy which have been suggested by a very kind editor. The progress is slow because inspiration is coming to me as I go along, but I am making progress which is good.
In terms of being homeless, that still remains the case. There have been no miracles occurring of someone coming along and gifting us a house, we haven’t been helped by the Local Authority at all, and so we remain in our friend’s pub which is, to be honest, becoming more and more comfortable in many ways. I guess I am increasingly becoming settled here which is a tad worrying, really insofar as it cannot be a permanent solution for obvious reasons.
I am still taking my daily walk and it is still helping my mental health. In fact, if the weather doesn’t permit the walk I do feel the dip in my mental health. But I am trying to get a regular meditation into my morning now as well which always benefits me. Just 10 minutes or so to quiet my mind as much as I can is something that I do find hugely beneficial. I have noticed, however, that I am much less ‘desperate’ than I was before. I was always conscious that holding on to where we lived was getting increasingly more difficult, if not impossible, and I was desperate for some form of an answer. Which in my desperation, I blocked out. I still don’t know what the answer is fully, but I certainly do feel more relaxed in the search for it than I ever did. I follow the opportunities more I guess.
And one such opportunity has arisen to work with a friend on a spiritual business together. I will be supplying the coaching at first as well as utilising my hypnotherapy training after I have brushed up on it. I am sure what I contribute will grow as we go along, but we are slowly working towards what it might all look like. I say slowly because she is incredibly busy and we don’t live close to each other so meeting up in person takes planning. But we have a plan for that. It’s something I am really looking forward to doing, and it is a step in the right direction.
I have also started to have conversations with local community people about my thoughts on creating a space for women where they can come together to alleviate loneliness, chat to each other and go for a walk in the local area. I will build on it from there, but the work I have wanted to do in the community is slowly starting to take some shape. I tried to start something similar 18 months ago using a Facebook group I was a part of which I called a Walk and Talk. It got some traction but not much, I think because it was county-wide and people can be reluctant to either travel or meet people they have no significant connection to. Anyway, a friend of mine adopted the idea and it is thriving in Yorkshire and I noticed there was an Essex group set up called…Walk and Talk. I can’t categorically state that the latter had anything to do with me, but the fact that it is in north Essex and uses the same title may be a clue. I don’t care, as long as it’s helping people that’s all that matters. It was never about making money.
I am always telling myself that I don’t do enough. I know I am the world’s best procrastinator, but when I consider what I have been doing this week I do wonder at my own negative self-talk. I saw a list somewhere of how PTSD manifests itself and was able to tick off a number of things on the list. I’m not saying I have PTSD but I am definitely in a process of working through the trauma of the last few years. And it has been traumatic. I am learning the lessons from it, I am shifting and changing my mindset and what it is I want from life, I am adapting and I am more open to who I really am than I was before. But I do need to stop blaming myself, stop beating myself up, and stop at a subconscious level expecting myself to be ‘normal’ when I am me. In all my glorious imperfections.
Because I am soaring. I am thriving. I am successful. And I am truly grateful for all that I do have.
Louisa Simpson 