Louisa Simpson

I am writing a daily blog to work through overcoming homelessness and detail the fresh start I am embarking upon with my family.

I don’t know what triggered it but I started wondering – do we really become those we spend most time with? If you read the self-help books, they will tell you that you become who you spend most time with so be careful about who you choose. And I can’t help but wonder…is this true?

I have spent an inordinate amount of time with wealthy people in the past both for pleasure and professionally. And the theory says that some of that exposure to wealth should have rubbed off on me to the extent that I myself became wealthy. Or at least, absorbed some of the ways of the wealthy enough that I might emulate them. The problem for me with some of those wealthy people is that I didn’t like some of their actions. I knew one that stole from shops for the fun of it though they could afford to buy the shop let alone the goods he was purchasing, several times over. I also knew that person to be a cheat on his wife and a recreational drug user. I knew the wife to be nice enough, but a user of people who would be picked up and put down on a whim. And someone who was incredibly judgemental of others though they had lived a pretty easy existence throughout their life, having been born into financial comfort. So, had no real comprehension of life for those who didn’t because she didn’t try to comprehend what that life was like. And I knew others to be judgemental, difficult, rarely treating others with compassion, and basically not exhibiting the kind of principles and behaviours that I could admire. Yes, I admired their work ethic very often, and their ability to think entrepreneurially, but as people? Very often, I didn’t always like them.

At the moment, in the pub where I am living, I spend my time with business people who have very entrepreneurial thought processes. They’re often not strategic but are very good at what their trade or skill or whatever is. I often hear them talking about the technical aspects of what they do but many of them are stuck at a level. Some are perfectly content with that, some aren’t but aren’t sure how to move forward, and some aren’t sure whether they are content or not they just plug away every day. Then there are those in a corporate job just realising that they can be entrepreneurial and are getting excited about that. I’ve actually only just realised that these are the people I am surrounded by! There are a lot of people in my life currently who are striving to make the best of themselves and their lives, and that I can help some of them. Especially if they are looking to grow further.

I could often see, even with the wealthy people I used to know, how they could do better in their business. It’s a gift of mine, I guess, of being able to join dots that no one else sees. I’ve only met one other person like that, the friend who is losing his business. Though he is bouncing back through that ability to connect the dots. Like me, he has a million ideas running through his head at any one moment, and it’s difficult to pin them down unless there is an external anchor. For him at the moment, it’s another businessman who needs his skills and abilities to deliver a contract. This has fired my friend’s very clever mind, and he’s taken that simple request to a different level. A level that sees beyond the initial contract into something far bigger. That’s how my mind works and I am aware that it overwhelms people, as his does. It’s part of the delight of an ADHD brain, I guess.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this, just that I found the need to write this. I guess the point is, I am surrounded by people running small businesses and doing what they can to grow them in today’s economy, and keeping their heads above water. And I hadn’t realised that before. I thought I was surrounded by a different bunch of people, I’m not sure who or what, but that writing this has really focused my mind and seen what was always there. No, they’re not writers or creatives very often but that doesn’t matter. What they are, are people who are really putting themselves out there quietly and consistently. With their worries and concerns, yes, but they show up every day and carry on. And that is what has rubbed off on me. The showing up and carrying on every day. Putting myself out there through things like this blog, speaking openly about writing on social media to make the links that may or may not be helpful to me. Starting to be visible, looking at how I can increase that.

I’m not sure we do become who we associate with. I think we can choose to become like the people we associate with if it is something we consciously wish to do, but I’m not sure everything rubs off on us. If I surrounded myself with successful writers would that rub off on me? I don’t think it would have any real impact unless I asked them for help. No, I think it’s a conscious thing. Something we can also use to understand ourselves better. And I think sometimes we need to take a deeper look at those we do surround ourselves with and ask the question – are they already exhibiting behaviours or achievements that we want to engage with? Because the chances are, they do. We just didn’t look at them through that lens.

With that in mind, I’ve found a different perspective, I guess. A different mindset. That I am not separate to them, I am the same as them just in a slightly different way if that makes sense. And that I have more to offer in terms of how I use my ADHD mind to not only write but also to help other people join up the dots and grow their businesses more. Again, I don’t know what that looks like but it does look like something I can do.

Because I am soaring. I am thriving. I am successful. And I am tremendously grateful for being surrounded by the people I am now surrounded by.