I am writing a daily blog to work through overcoming homelessness and detail the fresh start I am embarking upon with my family.
I had some not so good financial news yesterday which knocked me somewhat. As a result, I didn’t sleep well last night and woke up this morning feeling tired (obvs) and in a bad mood. Not depressed but fed up. Tired of trying to keep the faith when the faith doesn’t seem to be working (was how I felt). In short, I’d had enough.
I have to eat a breakfast every morning in order to take some of the tablets I need post-heart attack. So, I had to go to the local shop this morning to buy something for breakfast as I’d not had the chance to go shopping yesterday because I had been working all day in my friend’s pub. When I looked out of the window I saw it was raining – that light drizzle that soaks through – and that p*issed me off more because I don’t have an umbrella or a coat at the moment. And I really needed to go down to the shop.
I thought for a moment about taking my friend’s car to the shop (he’s said it is available to me whenever I need it), but I didn’t feel right doing it. Then I saw another friend’s waterproof coat hanging on the hook. And I decided to borrow it to walk down the road (I know she wouldn’t mind). I was still fed up, the feeling compounded by not having a coat at the moment. And I began to walk.
It isn’t far, about 7 minutes walk each way. There isn’t anything particularly pretty to look at just a 1980s large housing development. And it was drizzling which didn’t create a pretty atmosphere either. It was grey houses, grey sky, grey pavement, grey roads. But the impact of that walk on my mental health was significant. By the time I got back, I felt distinctly different. Much more positive. Much more ready to rationalise everything and decide to view life through a much more positive lens. To see the opportunities in handing everything over to the universe to work it out rather than doubting it will happen. To see the freedom in not knowing how everything is going to work out rather than the fear in not knowing how everything is going to work out.
Exercise is amazing for our mental health, I know this. I have known for a while that running/jogging creates our internal ‘cannabis chemical’-making process hence the ‘runner’s high’, but I have long underestimated the strength and impact of walking. Well, I know that walking in nature is brilliant for us. Especially walking when we don’t allow distractions such as listening to music or podcasts to come in, but when we listen to nature singing its songs. But I’ve often felt as though walking somewhere relatively uninspiring, where the noise of traffic drowns out the noise of nature, somehow doesn’t have the same impact. Perhaps because I found running around the housing estate I was walking in really uninspiring and therefore difficult. I much preferred running in nature. But this morning, because I wasn’t listening to anything as I walked the way I usually do, I came home feeling so different.
There wasn’t an aha moment. There was no significant thought I had that made everything magically better. In fact, I didn’t allow myself to think much at all. I just put one foot in front of the other, watched out for traffic and was completely present in the moment. The walk itself wasn’t magical, but the impact of doing it was. It shifted my mindset hugely.
In terms of being accountable to me, this really does count. It counts because I did walk when I could have driven (fit and healthy, check), it shifted my mindset from doom and gloom to positive meaning I am in a better frame of mind to work on my trilogy (goals around writing, check), and I walked in the community (being a part of a community, check). Sometimes, it really is the simple things.
Because I am soaring. I am thriving. I am successful. I am tremendously grateful.
Louisa Simpson 