I am writing a daily blog about my family and I being homeless as a way of processing my emotions around this and taking the lessons from the experience. And if I can help someone along the way, I will be very happy.
I feel as though I am being quite productive today. I have fed my son, home schooled him, written a different blog post (about feeling out of place), and sent some messages to people that I needed to send. I have sent my trilogy to an editor of a hybrid publisher to get some feedback from her. I’ve had lots of feedback already, but it always helps to have more I think. She has agreed to do this despite the fact I have said I don’t have the £7k to work with her as a hybrid publisher currently. She is doing it for free, and I really am so grateful for her agreeing to spend her valuable time reading my writing. For me, that is someone who genuinely wants to help writers because she is one herself as a published author. She knows how difficult it is in the industry.
Speaking of which, I got a rejection email from a publisher I sent my first book to months and months ago. They were open for submissions and I am sure they were inundated with manuscripts. I have no problem with them taking so long, they apologised for doing so, I am just grateful that they clearly took the time to read my submission and to respond to me at all. Okay, it wasn’t the answer I wanted but probably the one I expected. My writing isn’t the norm, it’s difficult to fit my work into a genre. It has been described as self-help wrapped up into a story with some of my readers talking about how they have confronted aspects of their life they have long been reluctant to address but have done so. The market, the publisher said, is competitive which I know and because I am an unknown author, they don’t want to take the chance on my book. Fair enough.
Once I would have doubted myself and my writing, I would have used this to beat myself up with how useless I am. Instead, I reminded myself that J K Rowling (I’m not getting into that here) was rejected by twelve traditional publishers (the author of Dune, Frank Herbert, was rejected 23 times and the author of Roots, Alex Haley, was rejected 200 times) until one decided to take the chance on an unknown author writing something that wasn’t the current zeitgeist. As I often think, someone has to make the zeitgeist in the first instance – but nowadays, if you’re not already famous traditional publishers are reluctant to take the risk. I get it. They will ride on the coattails of someone who does take the chance, who does take the jump. The same can be said of The Shack when it was first written. No, I’m not disappointed. As they said, they’re not the right publisher for me. And that’s absolutely fine. I get it.
One of the reasons I get it is because I have always thought I wanted to write romance novels. I did try to write for Mills & Boon but struggled with a story. Romance writing is not, I have realised, for me. The idea for the new book I have could loosely be called a romance, but it really isn’t. It’s much deeper than that, it is spiritual at its foundation. But when I submitted my first book to this publisher, I hadn’t got that about myself. That I am not a romantic fiction writer, but someone who cannot easily be placed into a genre. Which is, frankly, typical of me. To be contrary.
I also have had some messages about a regeneration project being in its infancy, asking for salary advice and whether I want to be kept updated about the role. I’ve provided the information, I’ve said ‘yes please’ to being kept updated because, why not, and we will see where it goes. I also think I have inadvertently asked for more information on starting the process to be a midwife. Now, that wouldn’t necessarily be something I would be opposed to at all. I remain grateful to the midwives who helped me immensely when I started to show the early symptoms of pre-eclampsia despite me not feeling them myself (very high blood pressure but no symptoms for me), and who helped me give birth and take care of my newborn who had some complications because of the treatment I’d had. So, who knows? It could be a whole new career I’d never thought of before. Keep throwing stuff at the wall and see what sticks has been my motto for a little while now, I just haven’t had much stuff to throw for a while.
And I am hopefully speaking to the lady who runs the homeless charity on Friday. I’m not sure where that will lead, if anywhere, or what it will be about, but I am looking forward to it. I’m happy to be a case study for the research being carried out, and I am more than happy to help other women who are far worse off than me. Overall, though, if this experience I am having can help at a much bigger level then it will have been worth it. I know that sounds trite, but it does make it all meaningful for me as I don’t believe things happen for no reason, that there is no meaning behind the significant events in our lives. Nothing is random.
So, all in all it has been a productive day so far. I am due to visit my parents in a little bit, hopefully that will also be a positive experience given how things have been between us at times. I’m going to facilitate my son’s relationship with them more than anything else because I still don’t trust that my mother won’t blow up at me again, but if I can make it as positive as I can then all well and good.
Because I am soaring. I am thriving. I am successful. And I am so very grateful.
Louisa Simpson 