It’s never easy to think about the best advice, I think, because it all depends on the way in which the advice was given and the context of it. What is great advice for one person really isn’t so much for someone else. But I have been fortunate enough to have received lots of good snippets of advice, some of which has been easy to follow, some of which hasn’t so much. I’m not sure I can single one out as the best, but there’s been a lot that’s been good.
One piece of advice that I thought was important was from my grandmother as she was dying, and it wasn’t aimed at me. It was aimed at my mother. My mum is obsessive in her cleaning. Every single day, she does housework. Every. Single. Day. And I’m not talking about running the hoover round, I’m talking full-on cleaning. I grew up in a show home that you weren’t allowed to mess up for fear of incurring her wrath. My grandmother told her that life is for living, for going out there and doing something not waiting until the house is clean to do stuff. Because life is short, and you will never regret not polishing that piece of furniture one day but you will regret not having an experience you may have always wanted to have. Maybe it was a day out somewhere, seeing an art exhibition or perhaps it was going travelling, visiting somewhere. Unfortunately, my Mum hasn’t taken the advice. She continues to clean avidly and complain about it though it is her choice. I have tried to take the advice over the years and have built up a bank of fantastic memories. Now I think about it, I am going to apply this more going forward. Because life is too short.
Another piece of advice that I have always followed is to do unto others as you want them to do unto you…or some such words. Basically, don’t do to other people what you wouldn’t want done to you. I think that’s a basic principle in life, behave towards others as you want them to behave towards you. If more people did this, then I think the world would be a much happier place. If we all took the time to stop and think – would I want this done to me – then perhaps there might be less anger in the world. I don’t know, but it is something I have always tried to live my life by.
A professional piece of advice I was given once has helped me many times, it made me stop and think before writing something in an email. Basically, it was ‘don’t put in writing what you don’t want to see on the front page’. I know for most people that probably doesn’t resonate, but in my previous career it was always a distinct possibility that anything I put in writing could end up in the media. So, it always made me stop and think before writing something especially if I was angry typing. It got to the point where I had a serious approach to emails that made me angry – walk away for 10 minutes. If I was still angry after, sleep on it. And if I was still angry the next day then, in all likelihood, I had a reason to be and could respond accordingly though the time spent away meant my response would be measured rather than steam coming out of the keyboard.
I did read another piece of advice once. A woman was writing in a magazine how her first husband had cheated on her and eventually left her for another woman, and she rued not taking her mother’s advice which was to make a husband buy many diamonds and other expensive pieces of jewellery because it had a twofold impact – 1. he was too poor to cheat, and 2. if he did, you had transportable assets. She took the advice for her second marriage. The point is, you have to marry a wealthy man in the first place which I didn’t do. Oh well.
I think one of the most important pieces of advice I have ever received, though, is to listen to my gut. Especially when meeting new people and deciding whether to let them into my life or not. It’s something that was told to me by many family members when I was younger, and something I didn’t always listen to. When I was 16 years old, I started a new college for my A’ Levels. I didn’t really know anyone there (I think I had one schoolfriend there). I remember in one of my very first lessons, I met a girl called Victoria. My gut told me to be cautious of her, but I ignored it much to my detriment. I ended the friendship after a few months and was able to repair the damage I had done fortunately. But it was a lesson to listen to the quiet pieces of advice.
I’m not sure if this is advice or not, but something that has been passed down through the family is to remember that everyone makes mistakes so not to judge them or yourself. The family saying is ‘if we all wore our mistakes on our faces, we would all be ugly’. And it’s true. We do all make mistakes in our lives, it’s how we learn. Sometimes I haven’t listened to this advice as much as I should, judging myself on my own mistakes very harshly. It’s certainly something to bear in mind in the future.
The above are examples of advice I have been given that has stuck with me over the years. As I say, I can’t pick one of them as the best as I think they’re all pretty sound (the husband one is firmly tongue in cheek). Advice can be one of those things that can be imposed upon you, quietly spoken to you or be as a result of your asking for some help. It’s something you can ignore, sometimes to your regret, or something you can embrace. I’ve done both, ignored it and taken it, and that’s been a lesson in and of itself.
Louisa Simpson 