I am writing a daily blog about my experiences of being homeless with my family to try and process the emotions around this and learn the lessons from it. If I help someone along the way, then I will be very happy.
I am feeling much better in my mental health today, much more positive despite still not sleeping properly and feeling rough with the onset of the common cold. But I do feel much more positive and there have been a lot of synchronicities and signs that have helped me feel better today.
When I did my usual waking up in the middle of the night, I tried to go back to sleep by listening to a YouTube meditation but it just wasn’t working for me. I couldn’t go to sleep because I was uncomfortable with the ear plugs in, and I couldn’t hear the meditation well which meant I was concentrating more than I was relaxing. I’d just woken up from a very vivid dream where I was packing up a very plush bedroom with my Mum. You know how it goes in dreams where you know you are in your home, say, but it looks nothing like your home. In this instance, it was a bedroom I would genuinely love to have. In the dream there were lots of other people, board members of some institution or another, I don’t know what. I’ve had a couple of dreams like that recently, dreams where I’ve been hurriedly packing up my home but on both occasions it wasn’t my ‘home’ though it was my home in my dream.
So, I woke up after that dream and struggled to go back to sleep. I had had an idea yesterday for a new book, and it felt guided again. I couldn’t explain it, I didn’t know where it was going, but I knew there was something in it because I’d just started writing again and it felt right. To go to sleep, I asked spirit to give me a message of any kind that they wanted that was helpful and that I would remember. Almost immediately the overall intention of my idea was revealed to me. It’s a bit of a corker actually, and I’m feeling quite excited about it. It confirmed to me that I am a writer. That I am a writer who turns a story into a message that helps people in how they live their lives. I’m not giving any spoilers but it isn’t like my trilogy, it is a one-off rather than a series and while it has the same fundamental message, it’s going to be relayed in a different way.
There are all sorts of things shifting, I can feel it. I spoke with a friend a lot yesterday. I explained to her how I was feeling about the void, about not being able to see the way forward or what is next. As I did so, I realised that it’s just a case of leaning into it and seeing where things go…after I began to write what is going to be my new book, divine inspiration at work.
I felt the habitual anxiety this morning, the sense of my nervous system going into hyper mode and instead of trying to stop it, I decided to lean into it. To feel it, and then release it. I allowed the feeling to come over me, and then just said I release this feeling and all attachment to it. I don’t know if it has worked, I know the feeling went this morning but I will see how I feel tomorrow morning and if need be, I will continue to do that until I have healed from it.
I do feel as though a path is starting to open up after yesterday. I got the sense this morning that everything really does have a reason. That whatever happens to you has a purpose, even given you create your world you create it that way for a reason. To learn, for your soul to learn and grow. I am in the position I am in because I have created the situation, I take full responsibility for that. But also because I am learning so much from it, experiencing so much from it that I need to experience. As I said the other day, as bizarre as it sounds I can’t regret it because I have learned so much and I have followed where I have been guided.
Because I am soaring. I am thriving. I am successful. I am grateful.
Louisa Simpson 