It’s funny, this morning when I sat down to write this, I couldn’t feel excited about anything in the future. Literally, nothing. Which is quite a bleak place to be. I was, as my friend puts it, under the influence of my ‘baddie’ character in my book (Judd), a character who aids and abets negativity amongst people by whispering to our inherently negative egoic mind.
I was tying myself up in knots and so, as per Tony Robbins’ advice, I decided to change my state by physically moving and doing something completely different. I got up from my desk and decided to do the ironing. Not very glamourous, but it needed doing after weeks of piling up because my recent heart attack has meant I have been prohibited from such activity, and I needed to be doing something different. Usually when I iron, I listen to something. Either an audiobook or YouTube videos, anything to distract my mind from the fact I am doing a chore I dislike. But today, I decided I was going to work in silence. And in the silence, I was going to listen to my Higher Self and see what came up that might hopefully be of some use and some benefit. My friend calls this listening to the ‘goodies’ in my book – Lucas and Amelia – who encourage living through your soul by listening to it. It worked.
What I heard were suggestions for my writing for the final book in my trilogy and suggestions for writing this. And a pretty hefty suggestion at that – that I should be excited about the future simply because I am alive. I came close to death three weeks ago tomorrow, but I am still here. I am alive. And if there is nothing else to be excited about the future for, it is that. Because believe me, I fought to make sure I stayed here. I remember being utterly determined that I was not going to go anywhere, I had my final book to finish and a family to live for. Which makes me a bit ashamed, actually, for being so miserable this morning. Because there are many people who would dearly love to be in the position I am in right now, in fact I know two people who are dying of cancer who I am sure would swap places with me in a heartbeat.
I am excited about my future because I am completing my third book and I have also completed another book, totally separate from my trilogy, that I have sent out to the publishing world to be judged. So, I am excited about finishing and self-publishing the final book in my trilogy and starting the new work I have planned. I am truly excited about continuing my writing journey and making my future about being a successful author. That isn’t necessarily about money – though that would be very nice! – but about hopefully bringing people pleasure in reading my words, and maybe even some inspiration for their lives.
My friend also said to me the other day – in every challenge you rise to, the universe rises to meet you. And it’s true. If you give 10%, the universe gives 10% to match. If you give 100%, then the universe sprinkles its magic fairy dust and gives you 100% to match. This morning, I was trying to give any kind of percentage but I wasn’t in alignment. I was allowing my egoic mind to run amok and allowing my shadow side to steer the ship, something I have realised I have done for too long. By changing my state, doing something completely different, I gave my Higher Self the opportunity to come out and speak because I wasn’t allowing any form of distraction to come in and drown out the words. Which is what I have been doing for far too long, not sitting in the silence and hearing my internal wisdom but seeking answers from the external. Which I know is my shadow side seeking to control the narrative – and the more you try to control the narrative I have found, the more out of control you are of the narrative.
What is important to me in all of this – and makes me excited for the future – is the fact that I now recognise this to the point where I can do something about it. Why does that make me excited for the future? Because I now know that the future is bright as a writer. Because I am alive. I am healthier today than I was three weeks ago, and in three weeks’ time I will be healthier still. And because I am finally listening to my Higher Self who will never steer me wrong.
So, yes, the future is looking good and is something to be excited for. Simply because I have one for which I am extremely grateful.
Louisa Simpson 