The daily prompt question for today is your thoughts on the concept of living a very long life. And it did really get me thinking. There are, for me, so many factors attached to this that it doesn’t make it a binary answer. My life experiences have highlighted for me one thing – it’s all about the quality of life, not the quantity. But that if you can have both, you’re on to a real winner.
In August 2009, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Up until the symptoms began to present themselves – actually, for far too long after as well – I did not think anything like this would happen to me. In fact, with my genetic background it was far more likely that ovarian cancer would be my challenge. Even after visiting the GP and being referred to the specialists, I told myself I couldn’t possibly have breast cancer because it wasn’t in my family. It turns out that was wrong, but that’s another story. I really hadn’t seen this coming. It’s fair to say that the treatment nearly killed me far more effectively than the disease and I was confronted with my own mortality for the first time in my life. And it got me thinking. A lot. I found that, for me, when we are confronted in that way some of the old rubbish we may have been carrying around was exactly that – rubbish. I’d endured childhood parental abandonment but when the doctor informed me of my diagnosis, did I once think about the man who was my biological father? Nope. Not until my mother asked if I wanted her to find him so she could let him know. My immediate and true reaction was “NO!”. So, why did I carry all the rubbish around with me about that abandonment? When the chips were well and truly down, I hadn’t wanted him around. It also started me thinking about my career at that time. I realised as I struggled to recover that love was far more important than anything else. That sense of connection with others rather than the disconnection and conflict I experienced working in a political environment at the time. And that love and connection was far more important than the relentless pursuit of ambition and pay increases. I know, it sounds so trite. Believe me, as I thought it I couldn’t believe those were my own thoughts – I had always prided myself on my ambition. I had defined myself through my career. And all that came to a shuddering halt. I didn’t quite have the guts to give up my lucrative career then, but I was definitely never as ruthless again. At that point, fighting to survive, yes I did want a longer life but not at the cost of quality of life. And I had realised that the quality was definitely lacking.
Time moved on, though, and while big things in my life did change for the positive, I still hadn’t taken on board all the lessons. Until I was once again confronted with my own mortality, this time incredibly suddenly. In fact, in the space of 45 minutes or so. I had never before been allergic to penicillin until my husband and I went away for the weekend. I’d had an ENT infection and so got the amoxicillin from the GP before we set off. When it comes to taking such tablets I’m not a rule breaker, so I decided to wait until the next day before starting the course so we could let our hair down together in Brighton. We were chatting over breakfast the next morning about the fun we’d had when I took the first tablet. Within 5 minutes or so I knew something was wrong. I couldn’t explain it, I just needed to expel (if you catch my drift), but couldn’t. Before long, I was coughing every time I inhaled and I had a rash across my body. I couldn’t breath, all I could do was rock to and fro on the chair all the time thinking ‘I don’t want to die’. Luckily my husband is the best person to have around in a crisis and he calmly called the paramedics and I was rushed to hospital which blessedly wasn’t far away from the hotel. I was pumped with steroids and antihistamines to counteract the anaphylaxis and was told to never take penicillin again. Again, I was reminded of the lessons of before. That it was love and my family that were important, not the pursuit of career and money.
What did these experiences teach me? Well, first of all it was that life is to be treasured because it truly is wonderful. During my cancer journey, I never felt so close to another entity as I did then. Nature became marvellous to me, something worth living for. I felt connected to nature in a way I’d never had before and by extension, I felt connected to what I called at the time God. Certainly a something that was just about love, connection and energy. So, living is important, life is important because there is so much love and wonder. I also learned that quality of life is important. I felt so poorly after both these incidents, taking a while to recover from them both mentally and physically that I realised quality of life is crucial. Both experiences brought mental health challenges for me, and I knew that working on our health and being aware when we are perhaps slipping into a dark hole or are not looking after our bodies as we should are vital if we want to have quality of life.
And I know that the anaphylaxis killed any ambition I’d had left for climbing the career ladder. I wanted to spend more time with my family, quality time with them, and so began a slow withdrawal from corporate life to one where I am starting to fulfil my purpose by writing my books and my (occasional) blogging. As is typical with me I went to extremes and I do realise how important money is now, something I think you can only truly experience when you have absolutely none! But I’m working on finding the balance.
Finally, I am an ‘older’ Mum and I want to be around for my son for as long as possible. But only as long as I can add value to his life which links again to quality and quantity. It’s the oft-repeated phrase of not wanting to be a burden to our loved ones. I don’t want to live an excessively long life and be, for example, bedridden or have co-morbidities that prevent me from doing things. I want to live a fun and full life where I can participate in my own life as well as the lives of my loved ones. Living a long life for its own sake is not enough for me is what I’m saying. Living it well is what I want.
So, the concept of living a long life is an important one to me. But there is a caveat – it has to be a life of quality along with quantity. Both of which, realistically, are in my own hands. By appreciating that life is marvellous, that we have love and connection, that our bodies are to be respected and cared for both physically and mentally I do believe we can have that. And setting an intention to live to at least 100 being fit and fabulous won’t do any harm either!
Louisa Simpson 