There is an advert on British television at the moment about the steps a mobile phone provider is taking to help those who are in data poverty. It really hits home to me because I have been there, and it reminds me all the time of how it felt. How difficult life was as a consequence. What really hit me, though, was an offhand comment made by a friend about it. He just said ‘what the hell is data poverty’? And it struck me that so many people don’t know the depths of poverty even if they think they don’t have much themselves. And that there is a significant amount of judgement still concerning poverty.
I wasn’t born into a poor family, I was born into a typical lower middle class family who muddled through in the early years and then did pretty well for themselves (mostly driven by my mother’s business) despite it being the 1970s. That was until my father left in 1981 when I was 10, and did not fulfil any of his financial promises or obligations. At that time, my mother had just sold her business and was working part-time. I’m not sure why she did that (I didn’t think to ask then and I don’t like to now), so when he left and took all the proceeds from the sale of her business with him, it was financially devastating. We didn’t know he wasn’t paying the mortgage as he had promised until the bailiffs arrived at the door. So began a few years of poverty – literally, no food in the fridge and spartan Christmases and birthdays for a while. By the time I was about 14 or 15 my mother and I had finally pulled our lives together again and money, whilst not abundant, was a bit more plentiful. I started working at 11 to compensate for the lack of money so I could contribute what I could, and I now realise this experience was incredibly scarring for me. I spent a lot of time trying to work on the issues that parental abandonment had left me with (I never really saw my father again after he left except for a handful of disastrous occurrences) and it’s no exaggeration to say that even 40 years after the last time I saw him, I’m not completely over that. But it meant that the financial scars I was left with were kind of hidden for the longest time and that I built many limiting beliefs around money. Which have, unsurprisingly, limited me significantly.
I have never felt wealthy. Money has never felt plentiful for me despite the fact that I earned a very good wage for the best part of 20 years. I never seemed to have anything left over – of course, that was because I feared money and would get rid of it as soon as it came in. All an entirely subconscious behaviour pattern and similar to my approach to relationships until I sought help for that. Pure self-sabotage there as well for a very long time. But, I did get help and I have a level of self-awareness about my insecurities that I didn’t have before. I know now when I am attempting to self-sabotage, and I manage to bring my behaviour back under control. It helps that I have a husband who is incredibly supportive and understanding of me. But when it came to money…really, not so much. It all came to a crescendo when I lost my job in 2023, and I had nothing to replace it for the first time in my life. Very soon the redundancy money ran out, and I failed to secure any job I applied for whether it was interim or permanent work. I felt like a failure, a pariah and as though the world was out to get me, especially God. At the same time, I was writing my first book which has been a phenomenal achievement, but my life was falling apart financially. At times, I didn’t know how we were going to put food on the table let alone pay any of the bills. In all honesty, we couldn’t pay any of the bills and I let my pride get in the way by not reaching out for help from the state or anyone else except my mother who has been an amazing support to me. It has felt like 18 months of pure, unadulterated torture. But it has given me an insight into poverty, welfare and how we judge like no other.
Back to my friend and his comment, I told him exactly what data poverty was. Where you did not have enough money to purchase data for your mobile phone. His answer was to talk about contracts and the levels of data on those until I pointed out that when in poverty, usually your credit rating is so abysmal you don’t have a contract but Pay As You Go. And you might not have the money to top up your Pay As You Go phone. He then said…well, they should manage their data better. As I said to him – do you know what 25GB of data actually means? I don’t. And if you’re walking around town with your phone, it’s not on wifi so it’s consuming that 25GB of data all the time. You might get a message to say you’re getting low on your data, but…what does that really mean? Other than switching your phone off, how can you stop it running out? The simple answer is, you can’t. This is something I now know a lot about. I couldn’t keep up with my contract bill so my service was switched off. Fair enough, really. So I became reliant on wifi which isn’t ideal given when you’re in public, it is an unsecure connection. No one could phone me unless it was via WhatsApp, I had no means of accessing emails whilst out and about or accessing WhatsApp and I felt truly cut off. In some ways it was nice because no one could reach me so I felt a measure of peace, but mostly it was incredibly inconvenient in today’s world.
What has struck me, though, was how unaware people are of the impact of poverty and how they judge, even if only slightly, as a result. I am as guilty of that as anyone else, and I have judged. But there are some truths to poverty that only those experiencing it really get to know the hard way. When you have no money, buying healthy food is not an option. We have eaten cheap fish finger sandwiches more times than I am happy with. We’ve eaten a knock-off version of macaroni and cheese (the poor meal as my son now calls it) loads. Whereas before it was because we just fancied some stodge, in poverty it became a necessity to eat because it’s cheap to make. Consequently, my son hates it. The fruit salads, organic vegetables, salads and butchers meat have become a memory. When you have no money, it is difficult to stay healthy. And that’s quite without the stress having no money brings especially when you’re a parent. You want to shield your children from that reality. When their friends are getting V-bucks and Robux and you can’t afford anything like that, it’s heartbreaking to hear your child try to explain it away to their friends.
You live in fear of the knock on the door. I have found all agencies and service providers to be, frankly, incredibly kind and helpful which I wasn’t expecting but I still fear speaking to them. I now have welfare benefits, something I have never had before. I reminded myself of that the other day as I walked around the supermarket – I am on benefits which I supplement with a wage from cleaning. I have literally gone from being a CEO to a cleaner in 18 months. Earning nearly £100k a year to being grateful for a combined ‘salary’ of less than £16k. It’s incredibly difficult to live on that, let me tell you! BUT. This is an experience I am realising that I am grateful for. Because it’s making me a better person. I don’t sit in my ivory tower any longer, judging people. I think there are elements of our benefits system that need changing, I know there are a lot of people who exploit it tremendously and are far from poor as a result. But for those people who really are struggling to make ends meet, who are meeting brick wall after brick wall in moving forward I have so much empathy for you (ironically, they are usually the people who are working and trying to get on). I know your struggle. I know the mask you wear for the world so they don’t guess just how tough things are. I know the inner screaming that goes on, the desire to just run away but you don’t have any bloody money to run away with so you’re stuck on the hamster wheel. I know the dawning realisation that yes, money does make the world go round and when you don’t have it your world can stop turning. And I know the judgement you face, the rats leaving the sinking ship as I’ve seen many friends (and relatives) do since we’ve hit this bad patch. Even those ‘good Christian’ ones who apparently don’t judge at all. Hmm. Here’s a hint – they judge the most I find. I don’t need the judgement of others, I have enough judgement of myself for several lifetimes!
I also know that my own limiting beliefs have brought me to this. That my fear of money, my fear that money makes bad things happen (one of the reasons my father cited about leaving was because my mother out-earned him with her business) has brought me here. And so, there is another reason to be grateful. Because I have been forced to confront them. I have been forced to work on myself and bring things out of the shadow and into the light about me. I dreamt a few months ago that I was standing on a rocky mountain with my brother who is in spirit. We were standing by a stream, and it was flowing beautifully until there was a boulder in the stream. Then, some water was able to trickle around the sides but it wasn’t flowing abundantly so consequently, everything below the boulder was starved of water and wilting, even dying. My brother told me that I am the boulder, and that until I removed it I would continue to wilt. But if I removed it, the water would flow abundantly and everything would come back to life. I struggled for a long time wondering how on earth I was the boulder let alone how I could remove it. Then I listened to something about congruence (see my previous post) and it all became clear to me what I had to do. And I have been doing it, and I can say that I am starting to feel different in myself. I feel more free, less burdened though nothing in my 3D world has changed.
I realised this morning as I pondered what my friend had said about data poverty, that I was also brought to this position to understand and help others. And I am very grateful for that too. Because I understand the depths of poverty and what it can bring you to, I want to help others. I will get out of this position, my life will improve financially of that I now have no doubt. I want to help people shift their mindset both about being in poverty and how they view those who are in poverty. To not judge but to understand. After all, there by the grace of God and all that. They don’t have to do anything with information, they don’t have to give charity to the people in poverty if they don’t want to. All they have to be is a bit more understanding and a bit kinder. But with there being a bit less judgement in the world, the collective can only benefit and eventually so will the world.
Louisa Simpson 